Friday, August 27, 2010

Please forgive me.

While my fellow bloggers are covering serious issues and actually enriching your lives, I will be tackling a subject that has plagued me for months.  I can't take it anymore.  Since returning to the corporate world in the downtown core, I have seen so much of this that I can't stay quite any longer.  So indulge me while I invoke the spirit of Karen Walker (Will and Grace) and lead you what I believe is causing all the grief in the world.

For those of you who don't know Karen....well here is a taste before we get started.

So now that you can invision Karen, I beg the question...... Guys, WTF are you wearing?  Seriously, if you are over 40, that doesn't mean you need to wear the same clothes you did the last time you went to a school dance.  Take note:

Pleated pants.  Don't do it.  Just don't.  Someone should have stopped production on these in the early 90s.  MC Hammer called and wants his pants back?  The problem is, the fatter you get, the more the pleats expand which only make you look fatter.  Do yourself a favor, flat front dress pants make you look taller and thinner.  Plus the waist sits lower and isn't half way up your back!  Trust me on this one.  Say no to pleated pants. 

White belts.  Guys....really?  Do I have to even make comments on this one?  Unless you are walking in a pride parade or are the new model for D&G, spare yourself from this trend.  You can only get away with it if you are under 20 and can use your youth and stupidity as an excuse.  The metalic holes, take it to a whole new level of guido. 

Speaking of guido....  I'm gonna run you over on my bike, blades or simply hit you with my tennis racquet if I see you wearing these bad boys.  Especially if they are combined with the belt above. 

If your body does not resemble someone from this picture, you should NOT BE WEARING UNDER ARMOUR.  Seriously guys, who are you kidding.  The last thing I want to see at the gym is some nasty muffin top dangling past your Under Armour tank top while your doing squats or bicep curls.  Even I wouldn't wear that stuff and I am in spandex for hours a day....

Probably the worst of them all (okay maybe not pleated dress pants) is the "flood".  This is the perfect term to describe when a man's pant hem falls above the ankle mark on a pair of shoes.  God this is so prevalent it is scary.  If you can see your socks in a mirror while standing straight up, your wearing floods.  If when you walk you feel a breeze on your ankles, your wearing floods.  If when you sit down in a chair, your pants raise above your sock line to reveal skin, your wearing floods.  The proper length of a pair of dress pants or jeans is half way down the back of your heel...while wearing shoes!  Not barefoot!  The back hem of the pant should just barely reach the part of the shoe where the sole is attached to the leather.  You better be wearing leather dress shoes.....don't even get me started.

Last but not least.  White sport socks with dress shoes and dress pants.  Unless you are Michael Jackson, this is a no no.  Sports socks.....the name says it all.  Combined with floods, there would be little to no hope.  Chinos or Khakis are about the only pant you could get away with it.  Maybe.

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